What to (Really) Expect During Labor and Childbirth
Hi friend!
Okay, you’re in your third trimester, and the big day is getting close. First of all, you’re doing amazing. I know there’s a lot of excitement, a lot of nerves, and probably a whole lot of Googling happening. So let me take a minute to get real with you about the birth experience: no sugarcoating, no scary stories, just real talk about what to expect during labor and childbirth.
Stage 1: Labor
Phase 1: Early Labor (aka "Is this it?")
What is happening: This phase can feel like forever or sneak up on you quietly. You might feel mild contractions, similar to period cramps, and have some back discomfort. Your cervix is slowly starting to open (dilate) and thin out (efface). This can take hours or even days. You might lose your mucus plug or have a little bloody show (totally normal).
What to do: Rest, hydrate, eat nourishing foods, and try to relax. This is a great time to use your birth ball, take a warm bath, or binge your favorite comfort show. Your partner or doula can help you time contractions, reassure you it’s all normal, and suggest positions to stay comfy and help things along.
Phase 2: Active Labor (Okay, it's really happening now)
What is happening: Contractions get stronger, longer, and closer together. You’re likely dilating from around 6 to 10 centimeters. This is when most people head to their birth location if they’re not planning a home birth.
Emotionally, you might start to withdraw a bit, go inward. It’s super normal to feel more serious and focused. You might have doubts or feel overwhelmed—that’s also part of the process.
How your doula helps: This is where they shine. Your doula will offer counter-pressure, suggest position changes, remind you to breathe, help your partner support you, and be your steady, calm presence when things get intense.
Phase 3: Transition (aka "I can't do this!" but you ARE doing it)
What is happening: This is the shortest but most intense phase. Contractions are powerful, back-to-back, and you may shake, cry, or feel like giving up. That’s actually a sign that you’re so close to meeting your baby.
How your doula helps: This is when the encouragement and reminders of your strength matter most. Your doula and birth team will help keep you grounded. You might need to change positions, moan through contractions, or just hold onto someone’s hand for dear life. This is all normal, and yes, this too shall pass.
Stage 2: Birth (The “Pushing” Stage)
What is happening: This can feel relieving (finally you can do something with all that pressure!) or overwhelming. The pushing phase can take a few minutes to a few hours, depending on a lot of factors. Your healthcare provider and doula can help you find the best position(s) for more effective pushing depending on the situation.
Some people feel the "ring of fire" as the baby crowns. This can range from a slight stinging/burning sensation to downright painful, but it’s important that you work with your body and give it time to stretch as the baby passes through. Your body is doing exactly what it needs to; don’t fight it, trust it. Just remember: at the end of this stage, you will get to meet your baby!
Doula magic: Helping you breathe effectively, placing cooling cloths on your face and neck, massaging your back, encouraging you with every push, and reminding everyone that YOU are the queen of this moment.
Stage 3: Placental Delivery (Don’t forget this part!)
What is happening: Once your baby is born, you’ll still need to deliver the placenta. You’ll probably be too focused on baby cuddles to notice much, but you might feel some mild contractions again and then the ejection of the placenta.
If you’ve chosen delayed cord clamping, your healthcare provider will keep the placenta nearby while the rest of the blood passes to the baby through the umbilical cord. Once the cord has stopped pulsing, it will be clamped and cut, and the placenta will be taken away.
This will also be the time when your vaginal opening will be assessed for possible tearing, and any necessary repairs will be taken care of. Your L&D nurse or midwife will also perform fundal “massage” (aka kneading your lower abdomen like a wad of sourdough) to help your uterus shrink back down to “pre-pregnancy size” (below your pubic bone). This helps to avoid postnatal hemorrhaging, so uncomfortable though it may be, it is necessary.
How your doula helps: Your doula can stay with you to make sure you’re comfortable, help with that first latch if you’re breastfeeding, and just hold space for whatever you're feeling—joy, shock, exhaustion, tears, all of it.
Final Thoughts
Birth is wild, sacred, hard, powerful, and yes, messy. You’re allowed to feel everything—scared, strong, vulnerable, fierce. Having a doula there means you’re not alone in any of it. They’re your guide, your support, your calm in the chaos.
You've got this. And when the moment comes, it won’t be perfect—but it will be yours, and it will be beautiful in ways you can't even imagine yet.
With love, Mama Nurture 💜
